Step 3: Feel

Feeling is an essential part of the healing process.  I like to say that you need to give your feelings air.  You’re sad.  You’re angry.  You’re disappointed.  You’re confused.  It’s all part of it.  And you need to let these feelings out into the world. When you give yourself the space to feel whatever it is that you are experiencing, you make allowance for your emotions instead of burying them inside and don’t have to carry them forward.   

 

A friend of mine once said to me while she was going through a particularly trying period, “I’m throwing myself a pity party tonight.”  She gave herself 24 hours to feel as sad, and as sorry for herself as she wanted.  Then, she picked herself up and moved on.  When breaking up, we need these pity parties.  And sometimes at the end of some relationships, you may need to give yourself more than one. 

 It is important to take the time and space to feel whatever you are experiencing.  If that means that you lock yourself in your bedroom for the evening and kick and punch the heck out of your pillows—so be it.  If you need to sob for hours in the bathtub, and then get out and cry yourself to sleep.  That’s okay too.  Tuck yourself into a place that you feel safe and allow yourself to feel. 

 If allowing yourself to feel is not something that comes naturally to you, you can think of it as an insurance policy.  By getting really mad at your ex today, you won’t have to project that out onto your future love tomorrow.  You’ll be able to allow your feelings to stay where they belong, instead of continually projecting them forward.  Seriously, if you are mad at Bob for the way he treated you, go ahead and be mad at Bob.  It’s okay. 

This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

Step 2: Imagine

Every time I have imagined a man that is exactly the man that I got.  Before I started dating Derek, this is the list of characteristics I made one night in my journal.   

 It started, “Dear Universe, bring me a man who…  

• loves and understands me inside and out 

• truly sees me 

• is an artist/musician 

• loves to dance and is a great dancer 

• counts himself psychic/intuitive and understands both his own and my hunches 

• inspires me 

• is handsome with a beautiful body 

• is at ease with himself 

• understands his own strengths 

• is successful at life 

• loves life and knows how to enjoy it 

• is spiritual but not dogmatic 

• practiced but not obsessed 

• loves me completely and utterly with all of his being 

• is honest, faithful, and full of integrity 

• is financially secure 

• communicates well and easily 

• is a fantastic friend and lover to me 

• appreciates who I am in the world 

• is kind, generous, and fun to be around 

• makes me laugh 

• is spontaneous, romantic, imaginative, and creative  

I believe that imagining him actually brought him to me.   

 Now you may think that this chapter is a little misplaced when I’ve been telling you that in order to move forward you need to take the time to heal, but believe me, imagining will help you in the process. 

 I’ve found imagining to be particularly helpful when I’m stuck in that stage of grieving where I just can’t stop thinking about my ex.  You know those obsessive thoughts that haunt you and won’t go away?  You don’t know why you are thinking about him or her, but for some reason you just can’t get her out of your mind.  In my experience these thoughts linger when the end was particularly ambiguous, or even when the beginning was particularly magical—or both.

 

This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

Step 1: Accept

For the most part I believe that all of the techniques in this book can come in any order.  You, the reader, apply them as you see fit in your life.  Acceptance, however, may be the exception to that rule, as it is the essential starting block. 

Simply put, to move on you must accept that it is over.  And it is over— otherwise you would not be reading this book.  I read this quote once in a book by Eckhart Tolle, 

 “Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment.  What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to something that already is?” 

 That seems clear doesn’t it?  But I know that this can occasionally be harder than it seems. 

Truth be told, at some point or another before the actual words are spoken, we all know when it’s over.  But even in the most radically obvious of circumstances we sometimes come to this conclusion kicking and screaming. 

 I remember the day I found out Brett was cheating on me. I was standing on his porch with my mother when this woman came walking down the driveway.  As soon as I saw her, the feeling in my body shifted.  Although I had never laid eyes on her before, I suddenly felt as though I was about to be a character in a really bad movie.  She came onto the porch and proceeded to tell me (and my mother) about how she was here to grieve the ending of her relationship with Brett.  Knowing that Brett would be gone that day, she took the opportunity to come to his cabin in the woods to process.  Since Brett and I had been dating for about 10 months, you can imagine that I was shocked by this news. 

Even though it seems obvious now, it still took me more than a year to come to the conclusion that Brett and I’s relationship was over.  Because I was afraid of what that would mean for me and my life, because I feared a life without him, I simply wouldn’t accept that it was over.

Let me tell you, when I finally did, the shift was amazing.  When I did leave him it felt more like finally aligning myself with what was, and not with what I wished had been.

If the relationship is over, the best thing you can do is accept it.  Take a few moments to breathe into the realization that your relationship is over now.  Notice how that reality sits with you.  Can you feel it in a certain part of your body?  Do you feel light and buoyant, or sad and confused?  Whatever you feel is okay.  Just notice it and let it be.  Accept. 

 

This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps one by one.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get her free ebook.

So you’re breaking up…

So you’re breaking up; as a friend said to me during my last break-up process, “That’s always hard, even if it is the right thing.” 

I feel she summed it up precisely.  The ending of a relationship is a process, just like any loss.  It requires grief, strength, clearing, and caring.  In order to move on more wholly, reaching out in life to embrace the next and better relationship the universe has in store for you—it’s best to take the time you need to heal. 

Since my 18th birthday I have been in 10 relationships that have ended.  They all finished for different reasons—we were going different places, we lived on different continents, betrayal (my own and my partner’s), and an inability to commit, just to name a few.  Through each partnering and each ending I learned important information about myself, and how we move on. 

When the process of my last break-up went so smoothly and lovingly, I realized that I had mastered something that others would want to know.  It was then that I sat down and wrote the outline for my ebook: From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up. 

 

This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps one by one.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get her free ebook.

Free Ebook: From Heartbreak to Wholeness

HAVE WE GOT SOME EXCITING NEWS!

Our new ebook is now available for FREE, on our website!

From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up

Sit back with a friend as Aimée leads you down the path to healing the wounds of heartbreak- with ease.  Whether you are just ending a relationship, feel like you never really got over one from your past, fear that you will never find love again, or are just looking for some inspiration to bring you back into balance- this is the book for you.

One reader said,

“This is an amazing book and I am sure you will help many people by sharing your stories and wisdom.  And it’s true, even though I am not going through a break-up, there were numerous things that struck home with me.”

The book’s personal stories and practical advice relate what Aimée has learned through years of healing and intuitive work, as well as the hard won lessons of her own break-ups.

You will discover that you are not alone– 

and that YOU have the capacity to heal yourself.

Take the journey back to wholeness with Aimée, where the ultimate goal is love!

Check out our website: www.spreadingblessings.com 

or email us for your copy today!

New blessings posted everyday at www.spreadingblessings.com