For the most part I believe that all of the techniques in this book can come in any order. You, the reader, apply them as you see fit in your life. Acceptance, however, may be the exception to that rule, as it is the essential starting block.
Simply put, to move on you must accept that it is over. And it is over— otherwise you would not be reading this book. I read this quote once in a book by Eckhart Tolle,
“Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to something that already is?”
That seems clear doesn’t it? But I know that this can occasionally be harder than it seems.
Truth be told, at some point or another before the actual words are spoken, we all know when it’s over. But even in the most radically obvious of circumstances we sometimes come to this conclusion kicking and screaming.
I remember the day I found out Brett was cheating on me. I was standing on his porch with my mother when this woman came walking down the driveway. As soon as I saw her, the feeling in my body shifted. Although I had never laid eyes on her before, I suddenly felt as though I was about to be a character in a really bad movie. She came onto the porch and proceeded to tell me (and my mother) about how she was here to grieve the ending of her relationship with Brett. Knowing that Brett would be gone that day, she took the opportunity to come to his cabin in the woods to process. Since Brett and I had been dating for about 10 months, you can imagine that I was shocked by this news.
Even though it seems obvious now, it still took me more than a year to come to the conclusion that Brett and I’s relationship was over. Because I was afraid of what that would mean for me and my life, because I feared a life without him, I simply wouldn’t accept that it was over.
Let me tell you, when I finally did, the shift was amazing. When I did leave him it felt more like finally aligning myself with what was, and not with what I wished had been.
If the relationship is over, the best thing you can do is accept it. Take a few moments to breathe into the realization that your relationship is over now. Notice how that reality sits with you. Can you feel it in a certain part of your body? Do you feel light and buoyant, or sad and confused? Whatever you feel is okay. Just notice it and let it be. Accept.
This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up. Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps one by one. Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get her free ebook.
Tags: divorce, healing, heartbreak, life, love, personal, relationships, romance, wholeness
