Feeling is an essential part of the healing process. I like to say that you need to give your feelings air. You’re sad. You’re angry. You’re disappointed. You’re confused. It’s all part of it. And you need to let these feelings out into the world. When you give yourself the space to feel whatever it is that you are experiencing, you make allowance for your emotions instead of burying them inside and don’t have to carry them forward.
A friend of mine once said to me while she was going through a particularly trying period, “I’m throwing myself a pity party tonight.” She gave herself 24 hours to feel as sad, and as sorry for herself as she wanted. Then, she picked herself up and moved on. When breaking up, we need these pity parties. And sometimes at the end of some relationships, you may need to give yourself more than one.
It is important to take the time and space to feel whatever you are experiencing. If that means that you lock yourself in your bedroom for the evening and kick and punch the heck out of your pillows—so be it. If you need to sob for hours in the bathtub, and then get out and cry yourself to sleep. That’s okay too. Tuck yourself into a place that you feel safe and allow yourself to feel.
If allowing yourself to feel is not something that comes naturally to you, you can think of it as an insurance policy. By getting really mad at your ex today, you won’t have to project that out onto your future love tomorrow. You’ll be able to allow your feelings to stay where they belong, instead of continually projecting them forward. Seriously, if you are mad at Bob for the way he treated you, go ahead and be mad at Bob. It’s okay.
This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up. Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps. Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.
Tags: break-up, divorce, healing, heartbreak, love, personal, relationships
