Step 12: LOVE

Love, ah love, the glorious end result.  Hopefully, by now, all of these activities have been leading you naturally up to this experience.  I mean truly, how can you take yourself on dates, nurture yourself, share with your friends, feel good in your body, give yourself time and space to feel and imagine, take wholeness from the universe, and NOT end by loving yourself. 

 By now, you have discovered that

• You are a great date. 
• You do fun things. 
• You have a powerful imagination.
• You can take care of yourself. 
• You are willing and able to investigate your feelings and heal old wounds.
• You are always connected to Divine source.
• You have good friends to share with.
• You are not alone.
• You are far from flawed.
• You are able to hear the messages the universe offers you.
• You have a wonderful body that works for you.
• You can forgive.
• You have learned an enormous amount during your lifetime and continue to do so.
• You have fascinating interests.
• You have the gumption to follow-through.
• You know how to make fun a priority.
• You are capable of healing yourself.
• And you are an all around absolutely loveable person.

 “What is not to love about you?” I ask. 

 “Why am I so loveable?” you might ask.  

 Truly, I guarantee that if you have practiced all of these steps, you cannot help but end up here.  If you are not here yet then don’t worry; you already know exactly what to do.

 

 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

Step 11: DO

Being in a relationship is often about compromise.  You pick out movies that you will both enjoy.  Sometimes you go to events solely because it is important to your partner.  This is all well and good—but for the first time in a while, you don’t have to consider anyone else.  You are free to do whatever it is that you love.

 

It’s perfectly acceptable if you put down this book right now and go do something fun.  The book will still be here when you get back. 

 

What do you love to do?  Walk on the beach? Go to the movies? Make jewelry? Wrestle sharks?  I don’t care—whatever it is, your assignment is to do it.  Make a list of at least 10 activities that bring you pleasure.  Then start checking them off as you diligently accomplish them all.  Your list will probably grow as you start allowing yourself all of this time for play.

 

This is the perfect moment for you to take that class, go to that concert, learn acrobatics, dance your heart out, go to art shows, make weekend excursions to places you’ve never been.  Take yourself out on dates—you can do whatever makes your little heart content.

 

Of course (like all the steps in this book), being in a relationship is no reason not to do what you love.  But right now you have a special creative license.  Acting on your impulses and long lost dreams is a great way to get back into the flow of you.  It will dissipate any stuck energy that you feel and lift any depression that may be lingering.  Playing heartily is necessary for any spirit, but it is especially essential for you right now.

 

 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

Step 10: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a part of any ending—and it is a necessary step for moving on.  It is important to remember that when you harbor ill feelings toward another, you keep them in your own self and your body takes the brunt of this emotion.

Personally, I believe that we are all connected.  We are all one.  But even if you can’t get into that notion, you can understand on a very basic level that you are polluting yourself with any feelings of resentment or guilt that you hold.

Neither of these experiences is pleasant.  They turn your thoughts sour, color your day, and restrict your actions.  You are no longer available to give or receive love when your mind is closed by either resentment or guilt.

Notice I keep saying resentment or guilt.  In my experience the two usually go hand in hand.  You can’t be mad at Bob for the way he treated you, without also feeling disappointment at yourself for accepting it.  Believe me, I know this first hand….

I forgive ­­______, is the best mantra I’ve found for this work.  It’s simple, it’s to the point, and you don’t even have to feel it for it to start working.

 

 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

 

Step 9: Learn

Even if you believe your relationship was a complete failure, it taught you something.  I believe that we often make “mistakes” for a reason.  First of all, you were doing the best you knew how to do at the time.  Secondly, by making those choices you learned something valuable. 

 

Remember Brett who I mentioned in the first chapter?  He was the man who cheated on me.  Despite the fact that our partnership was the most traumatic relationship I’ve ever been in, I actually came out the other side of it with a whole host of pivotal lessons.  The knowledge that I gathered by going through this experience literally forever shaped my life for the positive.  

QUESTIONS

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What will I never do again?
• What was the best part about dating so and so—and would I like to experience that again?
• What do I know now that I didn’t know at the onset of this relationship?
• In what ways have I changed for the better?
• What techniques or ways of relating empowered me in the relationship?
• If I am perfectly honest with myself, at the end of the day, what do I know that I learned in this relationship?  (Go with your first answer.)

  This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.   Stay tuned for more personal stories and techniques to help you learn from your break-up.  You can also visit www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

Step 8: Take

I named this chapter specifically because of a recent experience I had.  I was organizing a ritual/gathering for some friends of mine who for some time had been trying to get pregnant.  As the process was complicated for them the task had been arduous, and for the two of them conceiving was starting to feel more like a chore than a joy.  Although they wanted the baby immensely, they were worn out by the process.  Recognizing that the success of anything depends on love, I decided to organize a gathering to support them in their intention.

The week leading up to the event I started to hear this little voice inside of my head saying, “But what about me?”  It surprised me, but the voice was very strong, so I knew it had an important message.  “Now why would I be feeling this way?”  I wondered.  I don’t need a “Conception Circle”, as I had dubbed the event.  “What do I need that I am not getting?” I asked myself. 

Suddenly it dawned on me that this voice was trying to tell me that I felt depleted.  In order to be able to give fully to my friends and this gathering, I needed to be full up.  Putting out so much energy for their benefit without making sure I had what I needed was unacceptable to my Spirit. 

Furthermore, I didn’t feel that coming from this place of depletion would add anything to their journey.  “How can I fill up?”  I questioned.  Immediately I cleared a whole day on my schedule to take care of me.  I meditated, wrote in my journal, and went to a near-by day spa.  I spent the day soaking in the healing waters and giving myself all of the tender loving care I needed.  By the time I got to the event, I felt clear and ready to offer.

It was a story one woman told during the circle that night that lead to the title of this chapter.  She shared that during her Tai Chi classes her instructor, who is from the East had shared something he had noticed about the United States.  He saw that people were very eager to give, but they never “take”, or replenish themselves.  As a result, they offer from a very hollow place—never having filled up their own reserves of joy and love.  The woman then led us in a very simple movement and imagination exercise, which involved receiving the joy and bounty of the universe through our naval and allowing it to fill us completely. 

Given what I had experienced that week, her story was very powerful for me.  It reminded me of how important it is to fill-up our own gas tanks.  We need to take in goodness from the universe.

 

Stay tuned on more specifics on how to take in good from the universe after each step has been disclosed.

 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

 

Step 7: Exercise

“Exercise, exercise, exercise, every day without exception.”  That’s the kind of language I have to use on myself especially while going through a break-up.  So that’s the kind of stern advice I am giving you. 

 The only reason for not moving your body rigorously each day is illness.  If you are sick, you are exempt until such time as you feel better.  Otherwise, get off your butt and move.  Seriously, I’ve devoted a whole chapter to this subject because I believe it is that important.  

 Exercising grounds you.  It gets you out of your head and into your body.  It also has a miraculous effect of clearing away a whole lot of tension and pent up emotions.  Trust me, if you’ve never tried it before, you’ll be amazed at just how differently the world looks after a good aerobic work out.   

 It doesn’t have to be difficult.  Fitness expert, Cathy Smith has been known to say, “Do you have a pair of tennis shoes?  Do you have a front door?  Then you’ve got no more excuses.”  In my opinion, even tennis shoes are not totally obligatory- but most of us do have those.  The point is: GO! 

 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

Step 6: Share

I heard Sonia Choquette, one of my favorite intuitive teachers and authors say once that we each need at least four sources of support in our lives.  That means, when the system crashes, or when one of those sources goes down (like your girlfriend, for example) you still have places to turn.  I liked that idea.  It’s like the saying, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” 

 But more than divvying up your eggs, hearing her say that reminded me that we all need support.  We all need good friends with whom to share our lives and experiences. 

 As I heard the Dalai Llama point out once—humans are innately social creatures.  If we were meant to be solitary, an infant would be able to support itself at birth.  The fact that this is not so simply proves we need each other.  We need one another generally when life is ticking along.  And we need each other especially when life is getting us down. 

 Have you ever had the experience where you were worrying yourself to death over something and in an instant of compulsion you told your friend about it?  Then, while sharing your fear, you discovered it was quite irrational, and even altogether laughable?  I have.  I have actually started sentences in total seriousness and finished them giggling when I heard out loud for the first time, just exactly what I had been thinking.  Hearing the worlds spoken burst the bubble of their powerful lock on me and exposed them as the ridiculous notions that they were.  Contrary to what I had supposed, these were not deep and unalterable truths, but were absurd creations of my mind. 

 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

Step 5: Pray

Every morning and night I try to take the time to align myself with the highest good.  My ritual involves sitting quietly for some time, using my oracle cards, and prayer.

 Prayer is akin to surrender.  I usually begin my prayer with my intention of being completely aligned at all times with the highest good.  I follow that with the affirmation and acknowledgement that I am guided to this good in every moment.  Then, I bring my concerns to the fore.

 “Dear God (Universe, Divine, Guardian Spirits),

Please help me in my quest to insert concern here.”

Sometimes I keep a list of my hopes and petitions in my notebook so that I am sure to remember them during my prayers.  For example, I always pray that my intuitive readings are a success on every level.  To me this means that I am given access to the information that will best help my clients, and that I can help as many people as possible through my work.  When I have more pressing concerns on my mind though, like finding a roommate after my break-up, I may forget about praying for the continued success of my readings.  Keeping a list helps me stay in touch with my long-term goals, even as I consider my short-term concerns.

Not too long ago, I discovered what I have dubbed “the most efficient prayer.”  It was author and founder of New World Publishing, Marc Allen, who introduced the technique to me in his book The Millionaire Mind.  This is the form that I usually use in my morning prayers.  It goes like this:

 In a relaxed and easy manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time, for the highest good of all, I pray insert your prayer here.

 Then follow with,

This or something better is manifesting now in totally harmonious ways for the highest good of all.

 I have had amazing good fortune with this prayer.  If you are worrying, or obsessing about something, offering the concern up in a prayer will provide relief.  But don’t forget to listen for the answer.  Remember every prayer is heard and answered, in one form or another.

This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.

Step 4: Nurture

After you’ve been feeling deeply, (and daily during times of great transition) you will want to reward yourself with nurturing.  Nurturing is an essential part of the healing process.  Learning how to take care your own self can be incredibly empowering.

 

If you are ending a relationship there is a good chance that you have been accustomed to getting at least some of your nurturing from outside.  Especially if your significant other was never really able to provide that for you, you have probably experienced some tension in this department.  Not getting your needs met is a very wearing experience.  Here is the good news.  Now is your chance to explore your own power to nurture yourself.  Believe me, it is a skill that will benefit you for a lifetime.

 

Oddly enough, self-nurturing is a skill we learn in our infancy.  Paradoxically, it is something that we only learn by receiving.  When a baby frequently and consistently gets its needs met through its parents or other caregivers, she learns how to give it to herself.  If you’ve ever seen a baby coo its way to sleep, you know what I’m talking about.  By being coddled and soothed by her parents, she learns what makes her feel good and is able to provide it for herself.

 

Don’t worry; even if you didn’t have a particularly comforting childhood, this is a skill you can learn as an adult.  In fact, the wonderful thing is that you are now the adult.  Remember that little girl you got in touch with during the last chapter?  Well, she needed help.  The beauty of it is that now, even when you revisit that little girl, you’ve got your adult-self to help and you can give that her whatever it is that she needs, at anytime.  Loving, understanding, ice cream, a special day—it’s now in your power to soothe that little person inside of you.  In fact, being in touch with and balanced with these aspects of self are essential facets of wholeness.

 

Nurturing yourself is as simple as knowing what you like.   It is a matter or doing for yourself the things that feel good to you.  It can be as simple as playing your favorite song, or watching your favorite movie; or as elaborate as going to a ball game, or taking a week-long retreat.  Let your Spirit, your current circumstances, and whatever inspires you be your guide.

This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.