“Can I actually live without _____?”
“Can I really go on?”
“Wait, did I make a mistake?”
These are the kinds of thoughts that go through your head when the end comes. Even if you knew it was a good thing– even if you know it is the right thing, when the parting finally takes place, this is what comes up.
Believe me, I know from experience. I felt totally raw when Derek and I broke-up. I had a flood of emotions running through me. One moment I was elated, the next I was devastated. What does life without him look like? I thought to myself. I’m not even sure anymore what the means.
I emailed friends and called up my sisters. ”You’re better off without him,” my sister said to me. And I knew she was right. In fact there was no question in my mind that she was right, we simply weren’t meant to be– but that didn’t stop the floodgate of emotions from needing their say.
So what did I do? I just let them flow. I curled up in my bed and bawled my eyes out for the loneliness I felt. I imagined my life without him and I let all of the sadness come. And the funny thing is, that seriously, I really enjoyed it.
Despite my grief, it felt truly liberating to cry out the life that I would never have with him. To be alone in my bedroom and sad. The whole process stripped me of my barriers. Nestled in the center of my heart I felt as though the only thing that mattered was love. Not love, like pining for my love lost, but love in all of the bold and beautiful, complicated and surreal ways it appeared in my life. Sitting in the unwalled space of my heart, I wanted to reach out and touch all of those I truly loved in my life. I wanted to mend the broken bridges caused by misunderstanding, I wanted to forgive and be forgiven. I wanted to live only from love. I wanted to be free from the barriers that I held around me, and touched only by the true essence of love. Somehow, in that moment it seemed like all there was. The rest is just fake, I thought to myself. Love is the only truth.
Calling a friend to share my experience, she concluded it best by saying, “Savor the experience, feelings are the joy and the raison d’etre of this human experience.”
Aimee is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company that provides tools for inspired living. From ebooks to articles, intuitive readings to classes, you can find out more atwww.spreadingblessings.com.
Tags: divorce, grief, heartbreak, love, personal, relationships, truth
