I was totally obsessing about an old boyfriend. He haunts me actually from time to time. And since we first got together on Halloween all of those years ago, haunt seems a perfectly appropriate word.
Of course this has nothing to do with him. He’s honestly not even in the picture. But I was in the raw stage of break-up where the flood gates of emotion had been opened. I was processing the ending of another relationship with a veritable fountain of emotions running through my body.
And there he was again appearing in my mind. I rationalized it was because I’ve never loved another (to date) with the depth that I felt for him. I considered calling him, wrote poetry with emotion, and I fantasized about his soothing arms around me.
Then, I got on my bike.
I was tired of spinning in circles. I’d been through this process before. My only certainty was that I was not thinking clearly. Anywhere outside of my delicious fantasies I knew that even connecting with him would not turn out like that beautiful idea in my mind.
Five minutes into the ride, I offered the idea up to Spirit. “Listen,” I said to my guides, “you know what’s going on in my mind. And you know what is truly beneficial for both of us. I trust that if it is in the highest good that he and I recconnect, you will find a way to make it happen.”
Then I let it go. Twenty minutes and a whole lot of sweat later, I was feeling totally free. My head clear, my body singing, I remembered what I tell my clients, “Identify what he symbolizes to you, that, not a relationship with him specifically, is what your spirit is calling you to cultivate.”
Okay. That I could understand. I was longing for a soulful romance in my life. It was an aspect that had been missing in the last relationship I had, and one that I now felt ready to embody.
I remembered that every emotion I had ever had with said haunter was something I felt internally– and something I could certainly experience again with another. Only this time I was looking for someone who could keep the door of soul open. Not open it and then swing it shut unexpectedly, but someone who, like me, was willing to continually explore and discover this territory again and again, together.
All of this clarity, from a little sweat and movement. And totally free!
