Finding Peace

I was a complete mess.  I had just found out that my ex was seeing someone else– and he was still living with me.  I wanted to stab him through the heart in the same way that I felt slain.  I wanted him to hurt in the same way that his oblivious actions had caused me to hurt.  I wanted him to pay AND I wanted him out of my house, NOW!

But there was a bigger part of me that just wanted peace.  Truth be told he was a friend of mine.  And even if his slow pace of leaving had caused me pain, it was only inevitable pain.  It had forced me into what I had now actually been looking forward to for a couple of months, the final processing of our relationship.

Because the truth was that no matter how well we got along, and how long it had been that we hadn’t been sleeping together, I couldn’t really do the final grieving that not having him around would entail, until he actually left.  The fact that he hadn’t left yet was I suppose just as much my fault as his.  I hadn’t actually kicked him out.  I had wanted to continue the spirit of generosity that had characterized our relationship– only now it had gone too far.  I needed space.  I needed to move on.  

I spent a whole sleepless night imagining him writhing in the pain that I now felt.  I spent the whole next day raw and frazzled.  The funny thing was, that despite my heartache, during the waking hours, the thought that gave me the most peace was, forgiveness.

Just the word “forgive” filled me with a delicious sensation of ease that my frazzled nerves could not concoct on their own.  In fact during that excrutiating 48 hour period of his revelation and then departure, the idea of forgiveness was the only thought that brought me any peace. 

“I forgive Derek,” I said to myself.  The sensation of just saying the words was such a relief I felt I wanted to forgive everybody.  In my head I began running through the names of people who had hurt me in the past.  And I ran with it, “I forgive Lily.”  “I forgive John.”  On and on I went, repeating the names of my own personal offenders– desperate to revert to the clarity and peace I had felt just 48 hours before. 

 And you know what it worked.

During that exquisitely painful 48 hours before my ex finally moved out, the idea and internal pronounciation of forgiveness was truly the only thing that gave me peace. 

I forgive.  I forgive.  I forgive, is sometimes the only remedy for pain.

Aimée is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company dedicated to providing tools for inspired living.  To activate your own healing today and sign-up for her FALL Telecourse From Heartbreak to Wholeness visit http://www.spreadingblessings.com/CLASSES_PACKAGES.html

Step 10: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a part of any ending—and it is a necessary step for moving on.  It is important to remember that when you harbor ill feelings toward another, you keep them in your own self and your body takes the brunt of this emotion.

Personally, I believe that we are all connected.  We are all one.  But even if you can’t get into that notion, you can understand on a very basic level that you are polluting yourself with any feelings of resentment or guilt that you hold.

Neither of these experiences is pleasant.  They turn your thoughts sour, color your day, and restrict your actions.  You are no longer available to give or receive love when your mind is closed by either resentment or guilt.

Notice I keep saying resentment or guilt.  In my experience the two usually go hand in hand.  You can’t be mad at Bob for the way he treated you, without also feeling disappointment at yourself for accepting it.  Believe me, I know this first hand….

I forgive ­­______, is the best mantra I’ve found for this work.  It’s simple, it’s to the point, and you don’t even have to feel it for it to start working.

 

 This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.