Can you really go on?

“Can I actually live without _____?”  

“Can I really go on?”

“Wait, did I make a mistake?”

These are the kinds of thoughts that go through your head when the end comes.  Even if you knew it was a good thing– even if you know it is the right thing, when the parting finally takes place, this is what comes up.

Believe me, I know from experience.  I felt totally raw when Derek and I broke-up.  I had a flood of emotions running through me.  One moment I was elated, the next I was devastated.  What does life without him look like? I thought to myself.  I’m not even sure anymore what the means.  

I emailed friends and called up my sisters.  ”You’re better off without him,” my sister said to me.  And I knew she was right.  In fact there was no question in my mind that she was right, we simply weren’t meant to be– but that didn’t stop the floodgate of emotions from needing their say.    

So what did I do?  I just let them flow.  I curled up in my bed and bawled my eyes out for the loneliness I felt.  I imagined my life without him and I let all of the sadness come.  And the funny thing is, that seriously, I really enjoyed it.

Despite my grief, it felt truly liberating to cry out the life that I would never have with him.  To be alone in my bedroom and sad.  The whole process stripped me of my barriers.  Nestled in the center of my heart I felt as though the only thing that mattered was love.  Not love, like pining for my love lost, but love in all of the bold and beautiful, complicated and surreal ways it appeared in my life.  Sitting in the unwalled space of my heart, I wanted to reach out and touch all of those I truly loved in my life.  I wanted to mend the broken bridges caused by misunderstanding, I wanted to forgive and be forgiven.  I wanted to live only from love.  I wanted to be free from the barriers that I held around me, and touched only by the true essence of love.  Somehow, in that moment it seemed like all there was.  The rest is just fake, I thought to myself.  Love is the only truth.

Calling a friend to share my experience, she concluded it best by saying, “Savor the experience, feelings are the joy and the raison d’etre of this human experience.”

Aimee is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company that provides tools for inspired living.  From ebooks to articles, intuitive readings to classes, you can find out more atwww.spreadingblessings.com.

Energy in Motion

“I wish I didn’t have to feel this way,” a client said to me.  She was talking about her heartbreak.  I understood what she meant.  It’s hard.  It’s sad.  And it usually hurts.

Like the death of anything, the end of a relationship requires grief.  The world is different now then it was when the two of you were together.  Plans have changed, your outlook is different.  Expereincing the emotion this causes is an essential step in healing.  

Have you heard the saying e-motion is energy in motion?  If you’re feeling blue this week it may be time to let that energy move.  Throw yourself a pity party!  Set a time limit (you don’t want to feel sorry for yourself forever) and then let loose.  Give yourself 24-48 hours to feel as sad, unhappy, or angry as you do.  Really go for it!  Feel each of your emotions with every ounce of your energy– let them move straight on out of your body!

You’ll want to follow this up with some nurturing.  So check out the blog entries on that or sign up for my free ebook- From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up at www.spreadingblessings.com.

Aimee is the founder and director of Spreading Blessings Media, a company that provides tools for inspired living.  From ebooks to articles, intuitive readings to classes, you can find out more at www.spreadingblessings.com.

Step 3: Feel

Feeling is an essential part of the healing process.  I like to say that you need to give your feelings air.  You’re sad.  You’re angry.  You’re disappointed.  You’re confused.  It’s all part of it.  And you need to let these feelings out into the world. When you give yourself the space to feel whatever it is that you are experiencing, you make allowance for your emotions instead of burying them inside and don’t have to carry them forward.   

 

A friend of mine once said to me while she was going through a particularly trying period, “I’m throwing myself a pity party tonight.”  She gave herself 24 hours to feel as sad, and as sorry for herself as she wanted.  Then, she picked herself up and moved on.  When breaking up, we need these pity parties.  And sometimes at the end of some relationships, you may need to give yourself more than one. 

 It is important to take the time and space to feel whatever you are experiencing.  If that means that you lock yourself in your bedroom for the evening and kick and punch the heck out of your pillows—so be it.  If you need to sob for hours in the bathtub, and then get out and cry yourself to sleep.  That’s okay too.  Tuck yourself into a place that you feel safe and allow yourself to feel. 

 If allowing yourself to feel is not something that comes naturally to you, you can think of it as an insurance policy.  By getting really mad at your ex today, you won’t have to project that out onto your future love tomorrow.  You’ll be able to allow your feelings to stay where they belong, instead of continually projecting them forward.  Seriously, if you are mad at Bob for the way he treated you, go ahead and be mad at Bob.  It’s okay. 

This is an excerpt from From Heartbreak to Wholeness: 12 Steps to Healing from Break-up.  Stay tuned for more excerpts as Aimée walks you through the steps.  Go to www.spreadingblessings.com to get your free ebook copy.